Life moves on

After a bit of a train wreck last year, finally my last relationship lies as dead as a flat squirrel in the road gutter of life. It has been off and on for the last few years, due to my own insecurities as well as mine.

Julie slept with someone else and then despite my saying that I'd never speak to her again if she did again, she did. Then she says that she'd rather die than not have me in her life. The nasty problem with this is, I'd finally decided that she was the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And I still would, if she showed just a glimmer that she wanted to too.

I do know how to pick 'em.

Unrelated mainly due to the fact that it's not directly emotional but it has happened about the same time, I stumbled on the small fact that women enjoy sex as much as men. This may be a standard for most people, but for me it's not. I grew up without a major male influence in my life so it has been very female oriented, but by quite an independent female almost feminist who had given up on men (but isn't gay). Essentially, I learned about sex in an unusual way, but mainly the mechanics. A bit like learning how to drive a car without knowing how to unlock the doors. That along with lack of female experience led me to feel that women were a black box.

So to now. After discovering how to unlock a couple of car doors, I still find it very difficult. Reading Girl with a one track mind and then Todger Talk seems to be helping in that I know I'm not alone. But I'm still smarting quite a bit from recent events and I tend to shy away from people, more so than I used to. Also becoming a blubbering wreck at almost the slightest provocation (like a scene in Crocodile Dundee where Mick and Sue are swimming in a lake) is not a good way to make an impression, though talking and talking is also not so good.

I just wanted to get this down for now. Plus make this blog a bit more personal and maybe someone in about a quarter million years may have a good giggle at it. For about 30 seconds. That'd be cool.